Thursday, February 26, 2009

I was passing the park, stopped short and said to myself: something is different. It was brief and surreal and the emotions I felt are hard to describe. The flowerbed where I buried Fanny last September was gone. Gone! A small tree had been planted where the rings of sunflowers had been. I sat down on the bench and tried not to contemplate the details of what had taken place. I wanted a cigarette. I wanted one of those little airplane bottles of vodka. Fanny had been gone for five months but now she was twice as gone. This spindly tree, I thought, will outlive me. I picked up my packages and walked home, entirely on auto-pilot. I finished the work my work-day required and settled down here, down in front of this screen, a pint nearby and another one coming, typing words for a tale as old as the world.

11 comments:

Helen said...

Oh, this is too too sad...

Bridgett said...

Yes, too sad, and although I could say lots of platitudes here, I won't.

But I will say that the detail of the little airplane bottle of vodka is priceless in its precision and specificity.

waxwing said...

Oh. Deloney.

Indigo Bunting said...

Shock. Vodka. Now.

Joya said...

I can't imagine.

Sewa Yoleme said...

Deloney. My god. This is so incredibly upsetting.

The notion of the tree is nice. The absence of the sunflowers, and of course the absence of Fanny, is not. Yes, we know she's not there, not really. But it was the idea of Place, the notion of that peaceful little spot with the sunflowers looking over her, that will be hard to get beyond.

Drinking and writing. Sounds like the only appropriate response. Well, that and holding Alfie close.

LisaS said...

Deloney ... I understand. We felt the same way when we went back to Fayetteville and saw that the woods where we buried Sylvester are now a parking lot. But that was years later, not while the wound is still raw.

Mrs Slocombe said...

Life as usual having no consideration, and being annoyingly surreal to boot: but you as usual its equal.

Mrs Slocombe said...

You know what I mean.

Mali said...

D. I too would prefer to not contemplate the details, but to see the tree and Fanny as one, growing, stretching out to the sun, there to look over you and Alfie.

Susan said...

Ah, I'm sorry to hear that.

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